The Future of Dirty Jokes

There used to be a time when in the staff room of our college, a tidy amount of time was reserved for dirty jokes. The time varied depending upon the time-table of the day of two professors who seemed to specialize in telling these jokes. Other teachers simply seemed to adjust their time-tables accordingly. It was always a matter of conjecture as to how these two got hold of so many dirty jokes every day - the supply never seemed to dry out. The most ludicrous of the conjectures was that they made these up themselves (they did not have so much creativity). The most sane was that their friend circle was very large and so each new one cracked by different people collected with them and so they had such overflowing supply. Anyhow, it used to be fun - these two senior professors cracking the jokes and other seniors and juniors laughing and contributing to the exercise by twisting the jokes further or telling their own.

Lately, this activity has died down. Nobody tells jokes in person anymore. Not that there aren't these jokes anymore. The supply is actually higher than it was. Each day I receive 5-10 SMSs containing these dirty jokes. I now have the facility to read them in the privacy of my room and laughing - alone. But the fun does not measure upto what it used to be. Secondly, you can't tell a joke you received to anyone else either. The chances are that the other one has already received the same through SMS. You want to feel like an author of the joke by being the first to tell it to your friend - better SMS it. Otherwise someone else claims the authorship.

The art of telling these jokes - whenever you get to tell these in person that is - has also declined considerably. I have one of my fellow teachers who does it something like this:
"Hey, did you hear the one about Santa Singh going to the moon?"
"No."
"Oh! It is wonderful. Let me tell you."
At this point he whips out the mobile from his shirt pocket and begins scrolling.
"Yeah. Here it goes.... hmmm....hmmm......"
You look at him expectantly.
"Hmm.. hmmm... Shit. This is not the one. Wait a sec."
More scrolling.
"Yeah ok," his face lights up. "So, Santa thought he should go to the moon. So, you know what, he thought he should consult the NASA.... Hmmm ......Hmmm..."
The latest hmmm.....hmmm .... are because he is scrolling down for the next lines. He is not looking at you. There is no telling of the joke here, only reading and that too is flat.

Sometimes this gets even worse. At these times it goes like this:
"Hey, did you hear the one about Santa going to moon?"
"No."
"Oh! It's wonderful. let me tell you."
At this point he whips out the mobile phone from his shirt pocket and begins scrolling.
"Yeah. Here it goes. Hmmmm....... Hmmmm...."
You look at him expectantly.
"Hmmm...... Hmmmm.... Shit! This is not the one... Wait a sec."
He shuts off the bloody mobile, puts the thing back in his shirt pocket and takes out a 2nd mobile from his trousers pocket. He has two of the infernal things you see. Now begins again another round of scrolling to get at the one where Santa is going to go to the Moon. Before that happens though, your own mobile rings.

It can actually get even worse.
"Hey, did you hear the one about Santa going to moon?"
"No."
"Oh! It's wonderful. Let me SMS it to you!"

Why I Dislike Indian Communists?

There is not much wrong with communism if one goes by the original proposed by Karl Marx except that the basic theory of evolution is against the very grain of this philosophy. But many of the commendable human endeavours are against the "survival of the fittest." You don't have to go far - even if you simply feel that the man who is ridden with diabetes, suffers from hypertension, wears thick spectacles to enable him seeing even the Eiffel tower, deserves to live well past his reproductive age, you are rebelling against the theory of evolution. So, there is not much wrong with communism beyond this.

Communists, expecially the Indian variety (not that I have seen the other varieties; may be they are all alike!), well that's a different topic altogether. Watch them on the TV. They are all downright serious, so serious that you feel that these are the only people who have taken all the problems of the world upon themselves. When they speak, they are strident and they shout. They must be doing that all the time because most of them are hoarse even at the start of the programme! Most of them cough from excessive shouting. Most of them speak about ethics and morals and ethics and morals and ethics and morals and ..................Most of them say no all the time. no to big business, no to retail, no to foreign money, no to foreign universities, no to all kinds of reforms, no to religion, no to god, NONONONO. There is only one exception to this breed of communists and that is Sitaram Yechuri. Notice how this man smiles all the time. even when he is talking about something he feels is catastrophic, he is smiling. When he talks of BJP, he smiles, when he talks of Congress, he smiles, when he talks of communist party, he smiles. But that confirms one thing - communists actually do not know how to smile. If Yechuri is their best smile mascot, then may be it is better not to smile at all.