SCENES FROM THE INDIAN ACADEMIA: II

Lecturers do not indulge in research

Scene 1

Two lecturers are discussing how to fill up the `self-appraisal’ form. Filling of this application form was made compulsory by the University Grants Commission for the sake of promotions to higher scales.
“What to write under `publications?’”
“Did you publish anything last year?’
“No.”
“Neither did I.”
“Shall we leave it blank then?”
“No. Write NA.”
“NA…..um …Not applicable.”
“Yeah. That’s what you say when you have nothing to write under a given column.”

The two should have consulted other lecturers on how to fill up the column in question. The following is a sample of the items used by the others.
`Five letters to the editor.’ Details of the newspapers and the dates.
`Four letters to the editor. One more has been communicated and is under consideration.’
`Three stories.’ This entry belongs to a teacher of physics.
`Next year!’
Now, that is a promise.

Scene 2

A fellow lecturer comes back from the US after a year’s post-doctoral research. The following are the queries he faces from the other teachers.
“How many?”( In Hindi, `many’ can be masculine or feminine. Here, it was feminine.)
“You must have brought some Playboys and Penthouses. Yes?”
“An ipod you must have brought. What else?”
The poor fellow fields the questions as best as he can. Playboys and Penthouses, he has brought with him. In fact, they were the first things that he snatched from the bookstore, his curiosity being inflamed from years of hearing about these magazines. iPOD and other goods, well he has never had any interest in such things. As for “how many?”, his answer is a rueful shake of his head. Who knows he is telling the truth or not. But no one is ready to believe him. Even today, the Clintons and the Lewinskys only serve to emphasize the archetype of USA that is so deeply embedded in the mind of the average Indian. So when someone goes there to do research, it is very difficult for us to believe that he is going to do research.

The poor fellow gets away from the clutches of these gentlemen and heads towards his own department where a lady teacher is sitting at the table. Her bulk makes obvious what her priorities in life are.
“What did they give you to eat there?’ she asks. And this is the only question she will ever ask of him in all their years together!

Ph.D. is the end of research

An overheard conversation between two teachers
“Oh. You are still doing research? I thought you had done Ph.D. Long back.”

Not all the teachers are like these. Some read enough to stay abreast of the latest developments in their fields. Some actually apply for grants and do research. You can easily find out from the staff room talks who these few people are. They take part in the normal bonhomie for a few moments and then, as if by some magnetism, huddle together ignoring the raucous talk bubbles all around them. Often they talk of some interesting development. More often though, they criticise the state of education and the lack of seriousness and the time-serving attitude of their fellow teachers. Quite a few of these will fall by the wayside in the next few years. Criticism is such an easy incentive for doing nothing!

One of those who fell by the wayside quite a few years ago, but whose conscience is yet to be blunted by being a member of the majority group, has a very insightful observation to make. “When I was appointed as a lecturer here, I used to think a lot about whether I was suitable for this job. That question I have never been able to answer. But whether I am suitable for this job or not, I know now that this job is suitable for me.”