WHY I STOPPED MEDITATING

If you see an ass standing right in the middle of a busy road, one leg pulled slightly up, neck down, oblivious of blaring horns or the busy traffic trying to get around it and getting irritated in the process, do not think that it is deep in meditation although that is exactly what it looks to be doing in the first glance. It is actually sleeping and just being a complete ass.

That is also why I have stopped all attempts at meditating. Most of the times I go to sleep just a few minutes into the attempt and wake up completely refreshed and feeling guilty at the same time.

But the real trouble arises when I don’t fall asleep. This is what happened the last time I tried to meditate:

Deep inhalation …… retain the breath inside for sometime ……. Slow exhalation …. Deep inhalation….. retain the breath inside for sometime ……. Slow exhalation …. Deep inhalation ….retain the breath inside for sometime… exhale saying Ooooommmmmmmmm ………. Inhalation ….. Ooooooommmmmmmm ………. The goddamn management cannot do this to me….. Ooooooommmmmm……… The next time he says that, I am gonna get him, the bastard …….. Ooooommmmm ……. What does he think of himself? ……No no, this not the way to go, I am supposed to be having pleasant thoughts …… Oooooooommmmmmm ……. Ooooooooommmmmmm …….. think of Kanha forest … you love that and those thoughts will be pleasant …… Ooooommmm …. There are hills all around ….. I am sitting in Kishori’s jeep ….. Oooooommmmm …… The jeep is descending from Digdola part of the forest …. Wow … the scenery is breathtaking ….. Oooooommmmm….. there is the Sonph meadow visible in the distance ….. Ooooommmmm…….. how serene it looks ……… Ooooommmm……….. sqeak…… sqeeeeeeeeeeeeeek….. goddamn Kishori ….. why does he not do something about his brakes ….. for the past 4 years they have been like this ….. Ooooommmmmm……… if there is an alarm call, you can’t hear it over this din ……. Oooooommmmmm …. And his teeth ….. all tobacco stained …. Never sit near him ……… his breath must be foul …. Take a deep breath ….. Ooooommmmm …. Shit ………… the guy has been having gas trouble ……. Never sit behind him either ……. Ooooommmmmm ……… you must change your driver the next time you visit Kanha …. Oooommmmmm…… it’s useless to go in his jeep …….. Oooommmm …IT’S USELESS TO MEDITATE.

A voice says you can’t give up like that. Try again. “If at first you don’t succeed, try again!” that is how the poem went from your English textbook in the 8th standard. So, try again.

Ooooommmmm……. Oommmmmm ……….. Oooommmmmmm ………. “If at first you don’t succeed, try again!” ……Ooooommmmm ….. “If at first you don’t succeed, try again!” ………. Ooooommmm …… “If at first…” Pathak sir’s voice repeating the poem again and again …….. Ooooommmmm ….. the guy beat me up so bad ….. Ooooommmm …. What did he think of himself? …….. Ooooommmm … if he was so bloody good, what was he doing teaching high school …… Ooooommmmm …… My back hurt for three days after that thrashing I received … oooommmm . Ssallla, idiot, …….. AVINASH, STOP BEING AN ASS. GET UP. DON’T TRY MEDITATING AGAIN, EVER!